Draco Gets An Easy Button and other adventures
by Psychem Sempra
Summary: When Draco, Blaise, and the Golden Trio are sent to an American Summer Camp, called S.H.I.P., an astonishing set of original characters cause certain relationships to come into being. T for language. Warning: OOC. Prologue is seriously boring....move past
1. Prolouge

**Prologue **

Welcome to the site that will explain and prepare you for you upcoming visit to S.H.I.P, or Selene House Institute for Prodigies. It was founded in 1966 when a retired teacher, Jason Selene founded a program for the highly adept and talented. Using donations and his own trust fund, he purchased a small building about 20 miles outside Los Angeles and began accepting students. He soon had so many qualified applicants that he had to add space and break the groups into four different societies, which he named after a psychological theory discovered by Henry Plakit, namely Red, Black, Purple, and Pink. However, each house has since been named for a type of ship: Caravel, Galiot, Sloop, and Schooner. Several months later, two more houses were added: Green and Blue House!

Draco raised an eyebrow. Weird. Seriously, seriously weird. It had all began when he, Blaise, and several Gryffindors including (of course) the Golden Trio, had been called to Dumbledore's office. They had been told that as protection, they would be attending a two month summer course in America. So that was why on a sunny summer morning when he could be yelling at his house elves and tricking widows out of their pensions Draco Malfoy was walking down a dirt road accompanied by his worst enemies and Blaise, all dressed in Muggle outfits. Admittedly, he did wish he wasn't wearing his heavy black robes, but he would never wear such things.

On arrival, they were told about the school's mission and placed in a house depending on their Psychological Profile: Draco to Black, Harry and Blaise to Green, Hermione to Blue, and Ron and the other gryffindors to Purple. Draco headed off towards the black dorms. He stopped in at what he had been told was the Black Coffee shop, and was surprised.

"Friends! Romans! Country Men! Lend me you ears." A girl, dressed a bright red toga, was standing on the bar and attempting to quiet down the highly vocal students. "I, Psyche Morgan bid you welcome. As the party representative for our class, I would like you to know that the first class party is June 5th, and it will be toga style." Cheers were heard around the room. Draco rolled his eyes and walked towards a chair. "You there! Blondie! Why doest thou rolleth ye's eye?" Draco ignored her. She frowned. "Seriously, what the hell?" She jumped down and ran after him. "Dude…what's your problem?"


	2. Draco Gets an Easy Button

**Draco Gets An Easy Button**

Draco Malfoy sauntered towards the Pink dormitories. He had been given an assignment: to take out the head of Schooner. He whistled to himself as he threw photos to the pack of fangirls that scuttled behind him. In a few minutes, he reached the head's room and knocked politely. The door opened to reveal a thin boy of about 16 with perfectly plaited blond hair. Draco raised an eyebrow. And smirked. And smirked again. He said nothing, just smirked and rolled his eyes. The boy, who was wearing a pink polo, stared in a suspicious way at tall blond.

"What?" the boy said. Draco raised his chin slightly and smirked blatantly. "WHAT?" the boy repeated. Draco shook his head and attempted to hold but yet another smirk. "WHAT?!?!" screamed the exasperated Pink.

"Welllllll……." Draco drawled. "It's just that your hair is kind of mussed.." the boy in pink screamed in horror and began to ram his head against the wall, yelling strange things. Draco looked around, and noticed a small button. He walked over to it, picked it up, and pressed it.

"That was easy," said the button. Draco raised an eyebrow, then shrugged and stuffed it in his pocket. He left the pink crying on the floor and decided to wreak havoc with his new toy.

Draco walked into the Black Coffee shop and grabbed his planner off the table and made a _come here to me_ look at a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, the coffee cup was immune to Draco's charms. Luckily, the rather slutty waitress with dirty blond hair that was carrying the cup was not. She flounced over handed him the cup and giggled when he smirked at her. In through the door came Psyche Morgan, looking highly annoyed. She noticed the fresh cup in Draco's hand, and rushed it, grabbing it our of his hands and taking a slug before he could protest.

"Hey!" yelled Draco, glaring at the tall brunette dressed in a red jersey and jeans, now falling into a chair caddy corner to him and putting her booted feet dangerously near the place that his coffee should be. She grinned rakishly and symboled the slutty blond to bring Draco a new cup.

"Did you hear?" Draco smirked. As usual. He loved hearing about the bad things he had done, and considering how quickly the rumor of Dirk's homosexuality had spread, the news of Pink's suicide attempt should have reached the red dorms about now. He chose to play it cool, and calmly stared at the cup of coffee gliding towards him from the counter, puff of foam swirling up to form the perfect resting spot for a squirt of chocolate syrup. He liked chocolate syrup.

"Thank you." He replied in a honeyed voice that made the rather unoriginal waitress giggle and traipse off towards another group of students on the other end of the room, watching him from the corner of his eye. Psyche rolled her eyes.

"Be a dear blondie and sleep with her? I prefer to see girls hit you than hit on you." Draco frowned.

"You had something to say that I didn't hear about." Psyche smiled and nodded.

"Red house has declared war." She said in a very pleased tone, staring in surprise as Draco crossed his arms across his chest and glared.

"Are you people taking credit for my torturing?" Psyche laughed and kicked Draco hard in the foot, causing him to wince. (A/N- Wince…funny word.)

"Nah….you know nobody'd believe it. Nah. Kayl, head of pink stole my easy button!" Draco gulped in a suspicious way, tried to cover it, and began choking on air. Luckily, Psyche was currently watching a blueberry muffin that she calculated would come within reach. She suddenly knocked over a chair and sprinted towards the muffin, seizing it and hurdling back before the dazed waiter could figure out what had happened. She picked up her chair and returned to it.

"You were choking?" She continued politely. Draco laughed nervously.

"What exactly is an easy button?" he asked, averting his eyes and whistling poorly. She raised an eyebrow. "What?!? It's a perfectly reasonable question, you misprision wretch!" The eyebrow went higher. "Its not against the pandect to ask for an explanation in regard to an uncertainty?!? I tell you I did not appropriate for my personal benefit that stupid diminutive button, wench!" Psyche stared blankly at him.

"What?" she asked. He gaped. She became suspicious. "Why're you talkin so damn smart all a sudden?" she said, her slight Cajun accent appearing with her annoyance. He shook his head.

"I was trying to impress……" Draco looked around and noticed that he nobody was in hearing distance. "….uh…you. Yes." he finished lamely. She fell over laughing.

"OH that was brilliant. Fine. Don't tell me. But if I'm your new love interest than why do I have to steal muffins?" Draco slapped himself in the forehead.

"Shut up! Fine. I don't have a crush on you. Happy?" Psyche pretended fake horror, leaned forward, and knocked over Draco's cup in his lap.

"Hey! What the hell?" he yelled. Psyche, now deciding that she would cause pandemonium, leaped unto the table and yelled in a loud voice. "You all are heartless, cruel, uncaring bastards, and your hearts are made of stone!" Loud cheers came from all four corners of the room and Psyche began to bow and blow kisses to the audience. "Now….I have a war to strategize!" She yelled and ran out of the coffee shop. Draco cleaned up his robes and ordered another drink, opening his planner to check his schedule. He growled. First period was Drama, which meant that Psyche would spend the entire period loudly announcing for the favor the Pinks just exactly _why _you don't touch something that belongs to a red. Maybe he'd skip that. Then he had double potions, which was good because that was only for black, purple, and blue houses, then Arithmancy, then lunch…that would be bad. After that he had Charms, Tranfig., and Art, which were sure too be filled with reds. He sighed.

At 10:30 he arrived at Drama. The entire red house had called in with some illness from mild hangover to cancer (A/N Their lying…nobody has cancer……..yet), and the pinks seemed to be in a constant state of near terror. Throughout the rest of the day, the campus became more and more deserted. After his last class, he walked to the Red Coffee Shop and found it swarming girls and men dressed in bright military coats, with swords and strange objects that he suspected had been stolen from potions. Suddenly, Psyche ran towards him and began to shake him violently.

"What are y-" He began to say.

"Giddi mow!" She started laughing. "I wanted to do that so bad." Draco stared blankly at her, now rolling on the floor howling with laughter. A brown-haired, black-haired girl walked over and helped Psyche up. Psyche shook her head and stared at Draco, who was looking severely pissed off. "Why are you severely pissed off?" Draco rolled his eyes.

"No offense, but you reds are a rather ugly bunch." Psyche glared.

"That's a lie. They girls are hot, only the guys are fugly!" She responded hotly. Draco looked at the girl next to Psyche. The girl rolled her eyes and explained.

"She was drawing some strategic maps in Sharpies." Draco nodded. In his short two weeks at S.H.I.P, he had learned a lot about Muggle narcotics. It had all began when he had accepted a brownie from Psyche, who had been hanging out with Ramona, the head of the Black House. He had spent the night attempting back flips and kissing every girl that would kiss him back. He had woken up with a very sore back, and several angry females who kept slapping him, much to the amusement of Psyche. That morning Ramona had had to explain to him why you never it anything that had been prefixed with either Special, Magic, or 70's style. She had also explained inhalants, and finished with slapping him in the face for one of her friends who he had snogged. Draco sighed and walked out, as there was no point in attempting to explain the easy button issue.

"Come in." Draco walked into Ramona Galanti's dimly lit office. He hadn't been able to get ahold of Psyche and had decided that the only option he had was to explain to Ramona the problem. However, before he could say a word, Ramona pivoted her chair, placed her hands on her desk, and sighed.

"Mister Malfoy…" She said in a long drawn out voice. He waited for her to ask him why he was here, but she didn't. "Mister Malfoy, you are a very bright young man, intelligent, well-off…but there is a problem." Here, Ramona leaned back in her chair and began to stroke her throat in an upward manor. "There are rumors Mister Malfoy, dangerous rumors." Her voice was raspy and she was beginning to frown in a superior way. "I am afraid that you are a danger to keep alive…we are going to have whack you." Draco let out a tiny scream. A manly, tiny scream. (A/N Psychem: There, happy?!? Draco: IT MAKES NO SENSE! TINY SCREAMS AREN'T MANLY! Psychem: Fine! Join the Pink House! Draco: -gasp- How DARE YOU! I CAN HAVE YOU WHACKED! Psychem: You'll going to suffer for that… Draco: -opens mouth to speak- Psychem: Shut up! Draco: -glares-) Ramona stared at him, and the effect would have been quite scary if Psyche hadn't dived into the office with what looked like a head.

Draco stared in horror. Psyche smirked.

"I have the head of the pink!" She proclaimed. Draco screamed again, this time in a very girly way (A/N Draco: DAMN YOU PSYCHE! DAMN YOU!!) Both Psyche and Ramona burst into excessive smirks and chuckles and Draco blushed in a very lady-like way. (A/N Draco: Seriously, try that again and I KILL YOU!) As I was saying, Draco blushed a soft rose tinge that perfectly accented his soft pale skin. (A/N Draco:….soft rose tinge? SOFT ROSE TINGE? Psyche: Okay, that was mean. Have a Brownie. Draco: Oh, why thank you.) Draco turned on Ramona and opened his mouth. Ramona interrupted.

"We knew you had the button, so we decided to scare the hell out of you. That was amazing though." Draco gaped.

"So, So… you killed Kayl?" Psyche grinned.

"Nah….its just a sack of marshmallows." Draco rolled his eyes and handed Psyche the button.

"Thank you!" She trilled.


	3. Draco Eats A Brownie

**Draco Eats a Brownie**

Draco took a bite of his brownie and glared drunkenly at the button in his hand.

"What are you looking at?" He slurred. The button did not respond. He glared harder, the button silently teasing him. "Shut up." He whispered. "Shut up!" He yelled. "YOU HAVE MADE AN ENEMY FOR LIFE, YOU RED BASTARD!" He threw the button against the wall.

"That was easy!" Said the perky voice. Draco flared up.

"You think that's funny do yah? Huh? Do yah? You listen here, punk, if you dare to think that I can't make your life a living hell then you are wrong!" He screamed. He started kicking the button.

"That was easy!"

"You little bastard! How dare you? That's it…I'm going to kill YOU!" Draco began to mercilessly pound the Button. After several minutes, he chose to use his wand to kill the button. "Avada - " Draco then collapsed on the floor.

"Kadavra!" Draco shouted, waking up several hours later. Above him, the ceiling turned into bunny, which fell on him. "Well. That could have been wor-" Suddenly the entire pink house thunder down around his head.

"Ouch." Said the bunny.


End file.
